Turf Wars

I have never been a very social person. I am very much an introvert. I hate being in new situations and not knowing anyone. However, I know that to make friends you have to put yourself out there. That is why when I had Addie I decided I would join a mom's group. A friend of mine that I had met after I moved to our new town was the one who invited me to the mom's group she runs at a local hospital. I made the decision that I would go when Addie was a month old because I felt a little less paranoid at the idea of taking my little newborn to a group with other babies that might be carrying some germs (side-note: I am a bit of a germaphobe with my child, I admit it). There was a nice group of ladies there that had been attending for the past 7 months, practically from birth. I was quiet and shy like I always am but each week I would return and chat a bit more as I became more comfortable. This is just how I work when getting to know people and I know I come off shy but it is better than just staying at home.

I eventually was making friendships and even was invited by one of the girls to go on a walk. It was after this walk that I began to notice another girl's (girl #2, cause I like how that sounds) behavior towards me more. I started getting the vibe that I had upset some balance because she was friends with girl #1 and what, now I am hanging out with her? I am very observant, almost obnoxiously so but it comes from years of silently sitting in the back watching how others acted and behaved around each other. So needless to say tiny gestures such as cutting me out of the circle we all sit in (laying down in front of me blocking me from everyone else and the conversation), and never really talking to me, addressing me, or saying hi to me, were red flags that I wasn't on her "friend" list. The biggest indicator came recently though but again, was no surprise to me. Three birthday parties within 2 weeks as they all are now turning 1. However, I was only invited to 2 of them. I expected this and am rather relieved because I don't want to attend a party out of obligation but rather because I get along with the people.

Now yesterday the woman who runs the mom's group was chatting with me about a birthday party today and was talking about the birthday party she had just attended for girl #2's son.

T: Now why weren't you at "#2's son's name" party?

Me: Well. .

T: You weren't invited?!?!!!

Me: No, but I can't say that I am surprised. I have picked up a vibe from "girl #2" that makes me feel like I am encrouching on her group.

T: Oh no, she must have just forgotten! I have gotten to know her a little better the past few weeks and her and her husband are just so laid back. That doesn't seem like her at all. I could see someone else in the group doing that. It must have been a mistake, i hope it was.

Me: Maybe, but I am okay with it. I just get a feeling and have for a while.

Now girl #2 ended up coming to the party I was invited to today. I know T might have been right and it could have been she just forgot but I had my doubts. One reason being I was unable to attend girl #1's daughter's birthday party last weekend so I brought the gift to group. They opened it up there and so birthday talk was abound. Also the week prior to that girl 1 & 2 were talking about making sure they had invited people to the party and girl #2 indicated that she wanted to invite T. So she knew who was going at that point, and I was in the room.

Finally what confirmed everything for me was like I said, she was at the party I went to today. If it was a real mistake then when she saw me there she would have said "I am so sorry, I forgot to invite you!" Especially as she and T. talked about her sons party. She didn't, and it confirms that I wasn't invited because I am not part of her group in her mind.

It makes me laugh inside to think I am back in highschool in some ways. These are the mommy turf wars though and honestly I don't get the problem. I am not stealing her friends away from her. In fact after that one walk I have yet to hang out with girl #1 again. I will be over at her house in a week and half but considering it has been 2 months, or more since we last hung out I think it is safe to say I am not taking anyones friends away.

I have no beef with this girl, and plan on inviting her to any gatherings I might arrange. This includes Addie's birthday. I can't help but still find it so odd. Is it sad to admit that I am glad my observations were correct though? I pride myself on being observant and knowing what vibe people give off without saying a word.

This makes me think about how women and men are different. Men are blunt and upfront about people and things they don't like. Women, we are manipulative. We are patient and we tend to be silent to our "enemies" as we attack behind there back. I just finished the book The Help and one detail of it is how if you cross the women you work for they will get back at you completely differently than their husbands. That they have tiny sharp knives and they will cut at you quietly without coming at you with bats.

All I can say is, yup. Women will get even almost worst than a man could even dream.